About a month ago, Florida State Rep. Bob Allen (R), a co-chairman of John McCain’s presidential campaign in the Sunshine State, ran into a little trouble with the law. He was arrested in a public park after allegedly offering to pay to perform oral sex on an undercover police officer. Not a good career move.
Josh Marshall notes today, however, that ol’ state Rep. Allen can explain everything.
[I]t turns out that Allen revealed the true reason for the alleged park-john-offer in a tape recorded statement he made just after his arrest.
“This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park,” said Allen, according to this article in the Orlando Sentinel. Allen went on to say he was afraid of becoming a “statistic.”
OK, let me get this straight. Allen was in a public park, late at night. For some reason, he’s afraid of black people. As a result of this irrational fear, he wanders into a bathroom, where he offers another man $20 to perform oral sex.
In other words, Allen thought he might be attacked by some “stocky” black men, and this is his first instinct? Josh added, “I guess this raises the question of whether if you thought you were about to get mugged by a group of stocky black guys, your first plan of escape would be to try to give one of them a blowjob.”
15 Trackbacks To “Worst. Excuse. Ever.“
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Oh yeah, frist
FRIST!
If only Richard Pryor still walked among us. Jeezuz, can you imagine the laughs he could milk from this alibi?
It gets better, as he was being loaded (literally have you seen this guy?) into the back of the cop car he asks if it would help if he said he was a state legislator.
Somehow this reminds me of that white guy up on Boston who was so afraid of black guys that he killed his wife and children and blamed it on a scary black guy. Turns out the police did not buy it.
What a putz. Is there something in the water in Florida or is it just general republican stupidity?
The old “suck a pecker” escape.
Yes, well renowned in cetain circles.
Oh yeah, I saw this movie! It’s by Hot Desert Knights…hehe
“3 Black Guys and a Republican”
Oh, yeah- that totally makes sense. I mean, whenever I’m afraid a bunch of guys might kick my ass, I suggest one of them service me orally. Uh-huh.
Doubtless the Republican Congressman was just reflecting his political training that has probably kept him in good standing to date: when confronted by anything that looks like power go down on your knees and assume the position. I wonder if he told the electorate how far he would go and how quickly he would submit to the program of the Neo Cons. MIght be an idea to run a poll in the House of Representatives, ask the Republican members if they will also instantly assume the position to help a fascist government tyrannize over the popuation. We already know many of them will do nothing else.
If he was so afraid for his life why would he ask to be compensated $20?
the chickenhawk conservative way out of a fight. “please don’t punch me!!! i’ll suck your cock and give you $20 bucks”
His dog ate his reason.
Thanks I needed a good laugh.
Scott D:
To be fair, lately that sounds a lot more like the Dems in power…
Sad but true.
these repubs play the eugenics card when they get on the sex offender list
LOL! I’ve missed C&L. That is too funny, yet so sad, LOL! (can’t stop laughing) Worst case scenario, these sadly, horribly, emotionally and sexually repressed people will just die off in time..
I get it. He just wanted to suck the guy off until he could plot his escape. It’s an old trick that only republics know.
Republicans do care about black issues, ie financial independence, quality of life and so on. You don’t see any damn dems steppin up to the plate like ol’ Bobber Allen now, do you?
what a wussy. what’s he going to use for cash when in jail lock-up in a tank cell full of many races? if he was soooooooooo afraid, then why was he in a public park so late at night? stupid stupid man, trying to blame his asshole behavior on anyone black.
Any excuse, no matter how farfetched, is obviously easiser than admitting that he is gay. However, it looks like another closet case Republican “blew” his cover. Man, is his mom going to be pissed……
Well at least he didn’t offer to build him a bridge or give him a defense contract - I honestly didn’t think Republican congressman would touch sums less then 5 digits; he must be a fiscal conservative.
if he was a “true compassionate conservative” wouldn’t he have offeded at least $100,
just too cheap.
All that Republican bravado and Allen is a “bottom.”
I invite many of you to read this sentence very carefully:
” He was arrested in a public park after allegedly offering to pay to perform oral sex on an undercover police officer.”
I shouldn’t judge anyone, I suppose, unless he takes office and attempt to legislate against that very behavior and is later busted trying to find a prozzie in a men’s tearoom. Talk about the essence of hypocrisy, eh?
This is like a bad SNL skit.
He can’t just admit that he digs black cock, what a puss.
Dr. Matt @ 27:
Give it 5 days.
[Deleted. Blogwhoring]
That’s kind of weird, though. I would think that if he wanted to pick up a prostitute he wouldn’t have just ambled into a random toilet and hoped that one would be around. I mean, I know these people are not stunningly intelligent but this is just slow.
This is all Bill Clinton’s fault.
No probs.
Jesus has already forgiven him.
LOL! What a kinky porno movie! LOL! (Still can’t stop laughing) I can see it, The pasty neocon on his knees in the park sucking off black men… ‘cmon bitch, suck it!’ LOLOLOL!
It’s kinda sad that after sitting around trying to come up with an excuse, the best he can do is “I’m not gay, I’m racist!” Like he expects people to say “Well, he hates black people, but at least he had the presence of mind to start trying to suck somebody’s dick.”
I wonder how many other Republicans have been turned gay by their racism.
Is he saying the new way to defend yourself from becoming a statistic is to offer a guy blowjob? I really don’t understand his reasoning here!
Now we know why Monica Lewinsky went down on Bill Clinton - there were a bunch of “first black Presidents” wandering around on the White House lawn, and she was afraid of them. So, her first instinct was to pull out Bill’s penis and start sucking it.
Hell! Why didn’t she just say so?
Bill wasn’t having sex with her - he was just protecting her!
“Please don’t kill me! I’ll be your bitch!”
LOL, what a putz. If he feels that way he should just check in to his nearest state prison.
the officer said, “do you want just [oral sex]?” and Allen replied, “I was thinking you would want one.”
Sounds like he was wanting to do it.
He was just following the Christian ideal, that it is better to give than to receive; the cash might have been an offering.
The world’s problems can be traced down to one hormone and one gender.
Quick Thinking! #2
THIS is the kind of decision maker we need in the White House, to follow The Decider!
If he had been our Decider after 9-11, Osama or some other lucky Saudi member of Al Qaeda would have gotten a smile on his face… or been sent on the short weekend trip to Paradise, instead of suicide bombing and having to put up with those 17 virgins…
Anyone else remeber the scene from Brain Candy, the Kids In The Hall film?
Somethin’ like:
Well, Officer, ya see, his pants were around his ankles and I thought he’d slip. That’s why my hand was on his buttock, to keep him from slippin’.
Or somethin’ to that effect….
Is it the air, or water, or both that Florida attracts so many damned freaks?
[Deleted. Off topic]
Seems reasonable to me. He was trying to do his part to help the poor by offering this black man $20 and a job.
LOL! “Your Daddy’s Little Freak Boy, Ain’t Ya?” ROTL!
Dr. Matt @ 44:
I dunno, Doc, but this sure seems to come from the pages of a Carl Hiassen book.
this guys so fucked up he’d have been better off had they killed him.
Ah yes, the “blowjob gambit.” Makes sense…in a Republican kinda way.
And after his trousers are around his ankles, then you show that ruffian the error of his ways!
myiq2xu @ 46:
I wish someone would offer ME a “getting blowjobs for pay” job.
It kinda runs counter to the typical Republican attitude towards welfare, though, doesn’t it?
Oh yeah. That’s the first thing I think of doing when I feel scared or threatened: Ask someone to let me blow them and I’ll give them 20 bucks on top of it. Sure, that would make my fear go away in a heart beat. Sheesh.
Fear of a black p*nis.
GOP=ruled by fear.
-GSD
Andy K @ 48:
If Florida was a blue state, O’Really would be blaming ’secular progressives” for the State’s widespread perversions.