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On Tuesday's show, Keith awarded the bronze to head of the Consumer Products Safety Commission, Nancy Nord, for being afraid to do her job, refusing money to actually expand her department and get this....protect consumers. The silver goes to neo-con elder statesman (and Giuliani war/fear-mongering consultant) Norman Podhoretz for being so fearful of his own inadequacies that he lashes out at anyone who thinks an aggressive military stance against a sovereign nation over a trumped up threat not based on reality is a bad idea.

And the gold goes to the perennial winner: Bill O'Reilly, for being too afraid to be a man and speak to Rosie O'Donnell, choosing to send his little minion Jesse to stalk her at a book-signing, because he thinks it's his duty to tell Rosie that she's hurting America and victims of 9/11. The name Jeremy Glick ring a bell, Falafel Boy?

Oh, and Rosie? Remember these three magic words the next time you see a minion of the Big Giant Head: Malmedy, Mackris and Loofah. Works every time.