Stephen Colbert re-writes the Pledge of Allegiance for the Confederacy
By SilentPatriot Monday Jun 09, 2008 2:20pm
Like the Sons of Confederate Veterans, Stephen thinks it's unfair that the Confederate flag has to sit behind the American flag on "the flag bus." To fight this prejudice against southern heritage, Stephen brings the Pledge of Allegiance into Confederacy-approved compliance.
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"I pledge allegiance to a couple of flags of the United-slash-Confederate States of America, and to the Republic for which they stand (or stand against), one Nation (until further notice), indivisible (for the time being), with liberty and justice for all (or y'all)."

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Remember the many times that I have said that I heart Colbert? Well I'm saying it again.
LOL...Hilarious!!! My 2nd FIRST!!
This was one of my favorite "the Words" ever. I hate the confederate flag and what it represents. Always have.
nickpoppagorgiofromyuma @ 2:
Or your first second ;)
nickpoppagorgiofromyuma @ 2:
DAMN P.O.P...;-)
The Confederate rag is anti-America by definition. Those who fought under the Confederate rag found against America. The Confederate rag represents a defeated nation.
Long time rival: Reality .... Ha!!!
seems like a lot of people still have issues with what happened some 140+ years ago. (black and white). Goes to show how much pain it caused.
Flash @ 8:
Flash @ 8:
some people want to have issues there addicted to their issues
'liberty and justice for all'
That is an interesting thought.
Of course, that was not the Confederacy, was it?
Actually, I think Colbert makes a good point...one which I raised myself on a message board on another site a while back. I think that ultimately, if someone living in the South wants to fly the Confederate Flag, it begs the question...does that person consider him/herself part of this country or not? Strictly speaking, that flag doesn't just represent a different country...it represents a group of people who were once part of this country but deliberately chose to reject the United States of America which was then and is today symbolized by the Stars And Stripes. The Confederate Flag is a flag of deliberate rejection, of intentional separation and disassociation. Like the Nazi Flag or the flag of the former Soviet Union, the Confederate Flag represents a specific nation (albeit now extinct) united under a specific ideology -- and as a result, the symbolism of the flag cannot be separated from that ideology any more than the swastika can, no matter how convenient some people might find it to believe otherwise. What would many of the people who see nothing wrong with flying the Confederate Flag, I wonder, feel or think if they saw someone carrying or flying the flag of the former Soviet Union? Would they assume that this person is a Communist who shares the ideology of the nation which that flag once used to represent? Quite likely -- and that assumption would not be unjustified. So logically, why should it be any different with regard to the Confederate Flag??
Terrific!! I've never seen a better smackdown of those idiots who think the confederate battle flag is "heritage." I'm gonna have fun with that "Octoberfest" line in the future.
Bluestocking @ 11:
The very same reasoning I've used in the past (not that confederate boneheads understand it, though.) Here in Texas, the same folks who fly the loser confederate flag are the same ones who get all pissed when they see a Mexican-American flying a Mexican flag. "Yer in "murca, goddammit - fly a 'murcan flag!!"
Hypocrisy, thy name is Neoconfederate.
Bluestocking @ 11:
Don't forget, reich-wingers also have a hissy fit when someone dares fly a Mexican flag but they are completely silent about the Confederate rag.
Dr. (terrorist fist jab) Matt @ 6:
And represents slavery, ignorance, hatred, etc etc etc....
What is this, 1960?
No one flies the confederate flags anymore,
Ceptin these guys:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkQXjPJchas
personally i'm tired of this issue comes up everytime it's code for something.........they can have their i really don't a flying fxxx. we have bigger issues that affect everyone..
ysbaddaden @ 16:
Come take a trip to Houston. I was at Crystal Beach a few weekends ago and there were Confederate rags all over the place.
And what would y'all think of my honoring my ancestors who joined the CSA so they could fight the same military that forced them on the trail of tears?
This seems like a strange topic for Colbert to bring up, especially now.
It's a shame what happened to your ancestors, but fighting on the same side as slavery - and flying their flag - still isn't right. Maybe fly a tribal flag.
ysbaddaden @ 16:
Dude, I live in Idaho and I see it once in a while, and we're as north as you can get in the lower 48.
But there are plenty of racists here, and that's exactly what it represents-racism.
Dr. (terrorist fist jab) Matt @ 18:
I bet you can find people sportin that flag in evey city in this nation.
Dr. (terrorist fist jab) Matt @ 18:
Matt in Texas @ 21:
They saw a chance to get revenge for being forced on a death march.
And they rode under the stars and bars.
I had relatives who fought for the south in the civil war. At the time I suppose they believed in what they fought for. Now these many many years removed we know it was the most awful thing to ever happen in our country. Our country could not have been more bitterly divided.
Today we are on the cusp of a bi-racial man, a black man, perhaps uniting our country. I would rather concentrate on that than dwell too long on our ugly past.
I have a sweatshirt that says, "Learn from the past and then get the hell out of there."
lol @ 19:
Why would it honor those ancestors to fly the confederate loser flag? wouldn't it be more appropriate to honor their tribal heritage outright than to rely on white people's symbols? And, seriously, the people who forced American Indians onto the Trail of Tears were in the south. It was the USG who instituted it, but it was the folks here in the south who wanted the Indians out of the way.
There is a lumber company outside between Concord and Asheboro, NC that actually flies this rag on a flag pole.
No NC flag. No US flag. Just this POS Confederate rag.
If it were really about heritage they would fly the actual CSA flag and not this battle flag. But then again, that heritage they celebrate was a losing heritage of hate, racism, and slavery. Woo-hoo... some heritage to celebrate.
pissed off patricia @ 20:
his satire.....a large confederate flag was raised somewhere in texas....it's part of the division strategy used everytime.. many don't know the issues but they know that flag means they can belong to something i think it could be code for some
Jay @ 3:
This flag is another symbol that I no longer ignore. I used to just look the other way when I saw it, just like I would delete wingnut emails without responding to them.
I don't anymore.
When I see that flag on a shirt, (and I'm reasonably sure the owner won't pull a gun on me) I ask, why would you want to display such a racist and treasonous symbol on your [insert place here].
If they suggest it's a symbol of "culture" or what have you, I point out that they don't know history. And if they try to argue that one, I'm quite the history buff. I like taking wackos on on that one.
(Did you know that the Constitution of the Confederacy is almost identical to the US Constitution? They were both written by Virginians after all. The two main differences is that the Confed Cons codifies slavery for all time, and it STRENGTHENS the power of the Federal Government over the individual states. So the war could not have been over "states rights". You can google it and read it for yourself.)
What would be more cutting edge humor
Jokes about Queen Elizabeth I being called the Virgin Queen?
(She prefered virgin olive oil as her lubrikink.)
Mark @ 30:
Can all the States Attorneys ( current and former )
in the south and all across the United States of America help to find the answer to this mystery ....
Billions are still missing.
A US gag order is preventing discussion of the allegations.
The order applies to 70 court cases against some of the top US companies.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/7444083.stm
Mark @ 30:
Sir, I salute you. I had a similar epiphany in my life back at the beginning of the Iraq war. I live in a red state and am constantly surrounded by ignorance and bigotry. I decided one day to no longer look the other way. I've changed a few minds, but mostly, people just watch what they say because they don't want to get into an argument they know they're on the wrong side of. I try not to come off as preachy, but I just got sick of the bullshit and decided not to take it anymore. I'm hoping most democrats have similar feelings this election season.
Sue @ 32:
Let's try this again so it's clear whose talking: I did know that! it still amazes me when people say the southern states broke away because of the tyranny of the federal government, but who don't know that Jeff Davis understood he'd need what? a strong central government if he was going to hold the confederacy together. Seems "states' rights" was a empty a bumper sticker slogan back then as it is now.
I think that I might be the only one who caught his brilliance last night. Didn't anyone notice that he merged his confederate references into the Pledge of Allegiance, sans "under G-d"?
Colbert intentionally took a shot at all the alleged religious right who insist upon a loyalty oath both to country and to G-d, and based his version upon the wording of the Pledge of Allegiance that had existed prior to the red scare revisions arising in the 1950s.
Brilliant I tell you, sheer brilliance!
Colbert ROCK !
again.
Is it a good or bad thing to say, "All s**t's breaking loose," to a constipated man?
pissed off patricia @ 20:
Not really. The Sons of Confederate Veterans (who must be REALLY old by now) in Florida put up a huge (30-foot-tall, 50-foot-wide) confederate flag--C&L has the link to the story in this blog post above.
Bluestocking @ 11:
Very nicely written!
I've always wondered why more of these neoconfederate types don't simply fly the first confederate flag instead (the stars and bars everyone knows are the second). Most people (even a lot of southerners) wouldn't recognize it. That way, they could fly their previous flag w/o offending many people.
Oh, wait, that would involve intelligence. Nevermind.
Sue @ 39:
pissed off patricia @ 20:
And in the run up to this election, racism has to be clearly and loudly identified each and every time it raises its ugly head.
Blue Lensman @ 41:
this is like a bee hive i avoid/ignore it.. the extreme right wants us give this issue attention so it rallies the haters...it empowers them
Mr. Lambert (the son of a confederate vet) looks like creationism gone awry.
taller ghost walt @ 28:
84 Lumber?
Blue Lensman @ 41:
That's the thing. It seems to me that we're likely to see many more "expressions of southern heritage" now that Obama has sealed up the Democratic nomination. But, is it better to ignore the coded signs and messages so as to avoid the Atwater/Rove playbook, or is it better to confront it head on to try and shut it down? I really don't know. And, in my heart of hearts, I hope it doesn't really happen and we are a better country than I imagine.
Dr. (terrorist fist jab) Matt @ 18:
I was Port Aransas last weekend. Idjits were driving their pickups with the stars n bars and the confederate rag on On the Beach Dr. They may not know the history of it (because it takes reading skills or parents with education) but they know what it really stands for.
Bluestocking @ 11:
Thats funny. The symbol of swastika predates nazism, atleast by two thousand years. Get your history and symbolism right.
lol @ 25:
Oh, I can understand their motivation, but that still doesn't make it right.
FYI to all: the flag most neoconfederates fly is the confederate battle flag, not the Stars and Bars, which had wide horizontal stripes and a field of stars (hence the name.) In the smoke and haze of battle, the U.S. and confederate flags were easily confused, so the cons designed a new flag for the field. The confederate battle flag was patterned after the confederate naval jack, only it was more square than the naval jack.
The Confederacy is a destroyed terrorist nation.
I think it would be much better if most of these nuts would fly the National Flag of the Confederacy. The Battle flag most often shown was not the only battle flag of the Confederate States.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flags_of_the_Confederate_States_of_America
Best bumper sticker I ever saw had a confederate battle flag surrounded by a red circle with a slash going through it (the universal "no" image.) It read:
"You lost. Get over it."
BOO-yah!!
Since I live in Texas, let's have some Texas history and hoist a huge Mexico national flag at the intersection of I-45 and the beltway.
The ever great Steve Gilliard wrote a great post back in 2006 about the Confederacy and the flag waving.
The love of the Confederacy
Sue @ 27:
I seem to remember a time when people called all Native flags loser flags.
Matt in Texas @ 48:
Bah, I call any Confederate flag with stars and stripes on it the stars and bars.
I attend UT where we had students seriously defending the right of the confederacy to secede and acting all dumbfounded about the fact that slavery had anything to do with it.
lol @ 55:
Suit yourself. I call any confederate flag a traitor's flag.
lol @ 55:
That just makes you wrong. Again.
lol @ 54:
Really, when was that time? 'cause, uh, historically, most tribes didn't have flags.
You do know that the confederacy lost, right? I believe it made all the papers.
Sue @ 59:
you honestly believe everyone can read
karl @ 60:
Good point. Silly, silly Sue.
Back when I was stationed at Fort Benning, Georgia (named after Confederate General, by the way) there was an absolutely forbidden and quite common fake ribbon making the rounds. Designed to be worn with the rest of your fruit salad, it was red with two vertical blue bars, with white stars in the bars. The joke was it was given for service in the Army of Occupation (Confederacy). I know a few guys who were very close to getting out who wore it for official photos.
If I want to express the spirit of rebellion, I'll fly the Gadsen Flag.
Most people who fly the Confederate flag are really just too "politically correct" or pussy to fly a Nazi flag.
I'm reading 'The Bloody Shirt' by Budiansky, describing the collapse of the attempt to bring civilization to the South after the Civil War. Boy, we could have learned the lesson we're getting in Iraq from that disaster from 1865 to 1875. If you're not willing to commit heavy troops for a generation, you're not going to change people who don't want to change.
Based on this book, I want to tear down, stomp on, and burn, every American Swastika I see, and accuse every owner of being a traitor. based on the lovely string of Reaganazis they continue to stick us with, from Nixon to Junior, Delay to Lott, I'm fine with letting them secede, and then petition the United States for the foreign aid they'll beg for, standing in line with Mexico, Ethiopia, and the rest of the third world nations of the world.
Matt in Texas @ 57:
Like it matters.
Sue @ 58:
No it makes me an independent thinker comrad.
Sue @ 59:
lol your ignorance is funny America's Natives have had flown flags since at least the 1800's.
karl @ 60:
Oh Iz donts newsz hew to eed i be a suternar
lol @ 66:
Wrong again! It's not "independent thinking" to not know or understand facts, definitions, or histories. That's called "ignorant thinking." Yes, both start with the letter "i," so that might have been what confused you.
Sue @ 69:
You mean I don't agree with you and now your going to throw a fit over it.
lol @ 67:
Nope, wrong again. Wow, you do that a lot! The Choctaw had the first flag in the 1860s but *most* tribes did not have flags until the twentieth century. Today most tribes have flags, but historically? not so much.
fastfeat @ 63:
They are cool looking flags though. Why do all the evil, fucked up assholes of history get the really cool designers? It's not fair I tells ya!
Sue @ 71:
Did I say all of them?
No.
Keep swinging kid your sure to hit one sooner of later.
lol @ 70:
No fit thrown by me, unless you count fits of laughter.
p.s., I believe you meant "you're" which is the contraction of "you" and "are"
Sue @ 74:
why thank you grammer fairy.
lol @ 73:
And I didn't say "none" of them, I said "most."
And again, you want to use "you're" for the "you are" contraction. Geesh.
I believe I have hit them all.
lol @ 75:
You're welcome. Though, that would be grammar fairy. The site has a spell checker.
Thanks for playing, it's been fun.