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SNL’s Weekend Update team of Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers take jabs at Elliot Spitzer and Mitt Romney while alumnus Tracy Morgan comes back to respond to Tina Fey’s promotion of Hillary Clinton three weeks ago with his own defense of Barack Obama.
Transcript of Morgan below the fold:
MORGAN: Why is it that every time a black man in this country gets too good at something, there’s always someone come around and remind us that he’s black? First Tiger, then Donavan McNabb then me. Now Barack. I got a theory about that. It’s a little complicated but basically, it goes like this: we are a racist country. The end. It’s not the people in this room, but if we’re not a racist country, how did Hillary Clinton convince everybody in Texas and Ohio that Barack didn’t know how to answer the phone at 3 in the morning? Let me tell you something, Barack knows how to answer that phone. He’s not going to answer it like, (soft, frightened voice) “Hello, I’m scared. What’s going on?” He is gonna answer it like I would get a phone call at 3 in the morning: “Yeah, who’s this? This better be good or I’m going to come down there and put somebody in a wheelchair.”
Some things never change, Seth. People saying he’s not a fighter. Let me tell you something. He’s a gangsta, he’s from Chicago. Barack is not winning because he’s a black man. If that was the case, I would be winning. And I’m way blacker than him. I used to smoke Newports and drink Olde English. I grew up on government cheese, I prefer it. Now there’s all this stuff and all this talk about the pastor. Barack has to stay away from the pastor, ‘cause he’s too black. But just because he knows the dude doesn’t think…doesn’t mean that he’s gonna think like him. Look, I have a friend who goes to strip clubs, that doesn’t mean that I am gonna go to the strip club.
MEYERS: But you do go to strip clubs.
MORGAN: Yeah, but I go for the girls, not because my friend is going. I have integrity. Barack is qualified. Personally, I want to know what qualifies Hillary Clinton to be the next president. Is it because she was married to the president? If that were the case then Robin Givens would be the heavyweight champion of the world. If Hillary’s last name wasn’t Clinton, she’d be some crazy white lady with too much money and not enough lovin’. That’s where I come in. I know women like that, you do not want them on the phone at 3 in the morning. In conclusion, three weeks ago, my girl Tina Fey went on the show, she declared that “bitch is the new black”. You know I love you, Tina. You know you’re my girl. But I have something to say. Bitch may be the new black, but black is the new president, bitch.
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First.
And so true Tracy. Clinton’s last name is all she’s got.
I think it should be alumnus, not alumni. There’s only one of him, right?
Tracy Morgan is not an alumni, he’s an alumnus.
Ugh. Just as bad as the Tina Fey thing.
Here we go again.
that was the funniest that i have ever seen traci
“Bitch” may be the new “Black”, but “Black” is the new “President”, Bitch…
Love It!
Out-friggin-standing ROTFLMAO!!!!
lets get a republican on there next to advocate McCain. foreign born POW snitch is the new natural born citizen war hero.
Verdillac @ 6:
aahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
This is what Obama’s response to the questions about his crazy pastor should be…
Jeremiah Wright and a whole lot of other old angry black civil rights leaders and preachers grew up in a brutal and segregated America. Lynchings and hangings and beating were common in the south. They had to bear repeated insult and injury and an unfair shake from the law and society at large.
The bitterness and anger of a lot of these men, has unfortunately not changed with the times. And it is a large part of the reason why they make boneheaded comments today. It is tragic, because America has grown a lot and their anger prevents them from seeing it as such. So it is important to categorically denounce their divisive and hateful language. While racism still exists, America has made great bounds in fairness towards women and minorities and most people are ready to judge others on the content of their character, not the color of the skin, or gender.
The legacy of the oppression still exists in the infrastructure of our society, in poor schools and neighborhoods etc and should be addressed. but for the most part, anyone, black, white, woman, Hispanic, native American who tries hard enough can make the American dream for themselves.
It’s the economy!
Give the commissions, the big bonuses and the big salaries back and then let’s talk about another government bailout. It’s just too easy to bailout Wall Street without debate. Look at the debates in Congress when the GOP argues over a few bucks here and there but nowhere do I see them arguing a bailout of *their* damned problem. They own this rotting mess so every Democrat needs to pin it on the GOP every waking minute of the day. This goes well beyond Bush. It’s the entire GOP.
“We’re in the most serious economic problem we’ve been in in a very long time, much worse than 2001. The president’s hands-off attitude is reminiscent of Herbert Hoover in 1929, in 1930,” said Sen. Charles Schumer, D-N.Y. “There are lots of things that can be done, particularly on housing. Housing has been the bull’s eye of this crisis.”
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., said, “Much of what the administration has done has been too late.”
http://www.americablog.com/
No One Whants to talk about the economy!
Whoever that “comic” is on the right I can hear him now:
“Why is this lame show still on the air?”
Looks like the unions are upset parents want to home school there kids, word might get out about how bad the school system is..
krisken @ 4:
nowhere near as bad. and this was actually funny.
krisken @ 4:
I didn’t think so. Fey labeled herself a derogatory name: bitch (and proud of it, I might add).
“Bitch may be the new black, but black is the new president, bitch…” Justifiably said…invited, as a matter of fact.
For Morgan to stoop to Fey’s level, he’d have said something like “[the N word] is the new black.”
I was offended by Fey’s stupid comments; I clapped when Morgan said what he said (and it was obvious he has deep affection for Fey).
Sometimes ya gets what ya asks for.
No wonder the country is going down, can’t believe they air this filth
chris @ 16:
Well, that’s certainly a nice sentiment to have over your own commentary.
nitpicker @ 2:
Damn, I knew my one year of Latin didn’t stick! I used the word alumnum last night and thought I was smart for not using alumni. Knew it didn’t sound right.
Regarding Spitzer here’s a piece from Greg Palast, just a great informative short read about Bush, predatory lending, bank collapse, lots of our tax dollars, and Spitzer’s arrest:
Eliot’s Mess
Way more relevant and on-topic than Tina Fey’s thing, I thought. Just way too late.
Also, Tina Fey’s was just a few arguments embellished with metaphors; Tracy Morgan’s was a collection of succinct points and counterpoints. To the average viewer, Fey’s might have been more convincing, but to somebody closely following the campaign, Morgan’s was a lot more truthful.
THAT’S how to be funny.
Bring back Tracy Morgan!!
P.S. Before I get flamed, let me say that I really like Tina Fey. I just don’t think SNL has been very funny for the past several years.
Actually SNL was edgier 30 years ago, when you had such skits as Garrett Morris as a prisoner auditioning for a jail talent show singing how he was goinig to grab a knife and kill all the whiteys he sees.
In another skit, right after Chevy Chase did the Weekend Update he announced a new service for the deaf, Garrett Morris yelling the news through his hands.
ysbaddaden @ 17:
LOL!
burnt @ 8:
that’s what I’m talkin’ about.
DC @ 11:
Shhhhhh. You don’t want wake the country. I’ll bet you 200 BILLION of our dollars that the Spitzer takedown had nothing to this.
I love Tracey Morgan so much more now. He just knows how to call it so clearly.
#24,
If you are THE Larry David, considering the current housing crisis, maybe you could share some of your tips for finding warm places on the street to live. I remember reading a story about how, before Seinfeld was hit, and your financial situation was less secure, you would take note of heating vents along the streets of NY and tell yourself, “I could live here.”
Love your work!
If I don’t think it was that funny am I a racist? Or am I just boring.
chris @ 13:
were you home schooled…your spelling and reasoning reveal a lack of adequate education.
Uh, yo — that’s not funny, Tracey. That’s sexist.
And it’s stupid.
Seems sexism is the new racism?
Obama’s campaign had their feelings hurt, they pressured SNL to give their guy equal time, (like the whiny girlie-men with little bittie fwightened voices answering the phone at 3AM) did they?
Why is Tracey Morgan repeating Republican talking points (she’s only running ’cause she’s Mrs. Clinton?) and sexist talking points (hyuk hyuk Hillary’s just not getting enough hyuk)?
Stepin’ Fetchit coming back, too? Watermelon jokes? Nooses?
Oh right. Those we don’t do anymore, do we?
Humorous maybe. But I worry that all the sniping (even in joking) is gonna give us President McCrazy.
ysbaddaden @ 22:
Chevy Chase: “Our top story tonight”
Garrett Morris:
damn submit button
Garrett Morris: “OUR TOP STORY TONIGHT’
I thought SNL was supposed to be funny. It used to be funny, back when they had some real talent (e.g. Belushi, Chase, Radner, et al). Now it’s pretty much irrelevant.
[Deleted-Sitemonitor]
I haven’t watch SNL for a long time, and I was kind of surprise that its not as edgy as the old days. I think Seth was only funny in the “oh really” sketch, but his opening is not up to par with the edgier days of SNL. I think Tracy was the best part, and great point and counter point. I love it when comedy and truth are side by side.
Seth, Really? Nazi did this to the Eskimo on home schooling, really? An Asian guy afraid to leave the house, really?
It sounded more like the half hour news show skit. Are the writer still on strike? really?
Well Seth was funny in the Really skit, so he is capable of being funny. But his opening humor was not even a heckle.
Bwahahahahahahaha!
“bitch may be the new black, but black is the new president; bitch.”
ahhhhhh, finally “all in the family” 70’s style commentary.
john @ 35:
Why how prophetic of you!
Yes I do need to go to the bathroom.
Yeah, I could have done without the whiny voice answering the phone at 3 a.m. That was extremely sexist. But for everything else, he was right on: “If being black could make you president, *I’d* be the president! I’m way more black than Obama is!”
If bitch is the new black and black is the new president - doesn’t that make the bitch the new president?
john @ 35:
I need you to wear a bell around your neck, so we can all hear you coming and take the appropriate precautions.
I’m votin’ for Nader.
Oh, Tracy Morgan, that was snap!
Did I say “snap?” I couldn’t have said that, cuz snap just don’t cut it for that snap. Snap’s too small for that snap. That snap was BIG, like when you’re standing with your surfboard lookin’ at the shore, then you turn around and a big old wave hits you right in the face, whap!
Tina Fey, you just turned around and got hit in the face by a big old wave you didn’t see coming. Whap, with a big, wet splash and lots of salty water up your cute little nose. Now your hair is wet, your eyes are stinging and you’re honking nasty salt water out of your cute little nose.
Tracy Morgan, that was whap, splash, honk!
“Bitch may be the new black, but black is the new president, bitch.”
Awesome. That was some funny sh*t!
Rodney King @ 43:
(Sarcasm on) Good idea. That less than 5% of the vote he gets will really make a point! (Sarcasm off)
14All @ 40:
He wasn’t doing a Hillary voice, there… he was mocking the SNL skit portrayal of OBAMA’S voice.
Just so you know.
you need to make sure you see the video. I was in stitches. I could not help it.
john @ 3:16
(not!) from your mouth to God’s ear.
LOL
bklyn @ 41:
No, no. See, bitch now stands in for black and replaces the status black once had. Meanwhile, black, having been replaced by bitch, moves over to replace the status the president once had.
And the president can move over, perhaps to take bitch’s old place, preferably as someone’s bitch in a prison for international war criminals.
;)
Paul in Boca @ 32: