Stephen Colbert's Stump Speech In Columbia, South Carolina
By Logan Murphy Wednesday Oct 31, 2007 9:16pm
Download | play 
Download | play (h/t Scarce for videos)
This past Saturday the mayor of Columbia, South Carolina, held a ceremony during which he named Stephen Colbert SC's Favorite Son and officially proclaimed October 28th Stephen Colbert Day. Colbert, who is running for President in SC on both the Democratic and Republican tickets, seized the moment and delivered a stump speech like no other candidate could (or would dare) ever make. Pure genius...
Colbert: "Today's WORD is Gamecock. (cheers and applause) Mr. Mayor, thank you so much, I accept your proclamation naming me South Carolina's favorite son. This is a tremendous honor, you all must be thrilled to have me here. Citizens of Columbia, I grew up in South Carolina and I continue to spend a great deal of time here -- in fact, if the IRS asks, we do this every weekend."
UPDATE: According to CNN Colbert will only be running on the Democratic ticket. Apparently the GOP priced him out of the market.
UPDATE #2: (Nicole) Uh oh. It looks like Colbert was foiled again. The South Carolina Democratic Party has rejected placing Colbert on the ballot on the basis of national viability. Haven't they seen the polls? Colbert could still run as an Independent with a 10,000 signature petition. Given that he got more than 17 million votes to rename a Hungarian bridge in his honor (8 million more votes than there are Hungarians), 10,000 signatures should be a walk in the park.
Login or Register to post comments.
The Dems could not take the heat. What cowards. Go Colbert.
I love Colbert and all but he has unfortunately jumped way over the shark.
Um, I'd still vote for him.
It would be very interesting to see colbert get those 10k signatures and then run as an Independent in 08. It would also be interesting to see him avoid the FEC altogether by doing absolutely no campaigning. Hell I'd vote for him just to screw the other parties (sorry Feingold).
If they aren't putting his name on the ballot because he isn't nationally viable, then there should be a couple other Dems who should have their names removed. One could easily make the argument that Dodd, Richardson, and Biden are no more viable than Colbert.
I know Colbert's running isn't serious, but this decision by the Democrats is kind of frightening. Apparently they were unable to point to any violation of the application rules, they just took a vote (14-3, I believe) on whether he should be allowed to run. Smells like a smoke filled room to me.
In other news Chimp goes ballistic on bloggers, Moveon and Code Pink:
"When it comes to funding our troops, some in Washington should spend more time responding to the warnings of terrorists like Osama bin Laden and the requests of our commanders on the ground," Bush said, "and less time responding to the demands of MoveOn.org bloggers and Code Pink protesters." http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071102/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bush
I truly loathe this SOB with every fiber of my being.
The Democrats rejected him?!!
There's only one alternative course of action: a third-party candidacy. I hereby nominate Stephen Colbert to run on the Truthiness Party ticket.
Any seconders?
Imagine this --- Colbert runs as an independent and steals almost all of the votes from the Dems to allow the Repugs to win the state and all its electoral votes in a landslide. Florida and Ohio all over again, and Mitt Romney becomes your next President for the next four years or more.
It's a dangerous game Mr. Colbert is playing.
Wuzupdawk @ 9:
South Carolina Always goes republican. It does not matter, in fact I am glad the Republicans rejected him because it means Paul has a greater chance of embarrassing the GOP by carrying this bastion of conservatism. Its no surprise the GOP in this state is out of Colbert's price range. And they say they are not the party of the rich...
Steven From Greenville SC
“Now when that is done as a joke it is alright. But when it’s done seriously, it’s just pathetic.” -- Will Rogers.
Wuzupdawk @ 9:
Excuse me?
We have how many people running for President?
I see one (Kucinich) worthy of the office.
Dangerous game indeed. The game is over (we lost.)
Ruthless People @ 7:
Geez, I've had to resort to borrowing fibers from my neighbours, and my loathing is still not satisfied.
SadButTrue @ 13:
So tell me, how does it feel to be living on borrowed fibers?
Colbert would be the best thing to happen to the Democratic Party since JFK.
WTF are they thinking?
deniz Says:
Um, I’d still vote for him.
yeah, thats the problem. he and Nadar need to keep their day jobs not fuck up elections
erick @ 16:
How is his running is SC going to fuck up the elections? This state always goes republican. If anything, he may have convinced enough idiots on the right to vote for him instead. (They exist, I have met them, and they do think that Colbert is a republican)
xoites defends Constitution @ 14:
Itchy.
Wow. He seem pretty affable with the drunken college hecklers. Anyone catch that last phrase to which he responded, "Well, I can't improve on that!"?
And I agree, running in South Carolina alone is hardly "dangerous". It is a true tragedy that he isn't in the Republican debates. It's the only thing possible that would have livened up those zombies. The only thing I remember from the Reps "debating" was Mitt "Inquisitor" Romney screaming, "DOUBLE GUANTANIMO!!! YEEEEAAAAHHH!!"
In that crowd, Colbert would look positively brilliant and compassionate, even in full character. Amazing times.
deniz @ 2:
I disagree. At the very least, this has been, and should continue to be, a great opportunity for satire. I love what he's done already with Doritos and how easy it is for corporations to corrupt the system.
I just can't believe that he was literally only a few miles from my house and I missed it. There was no advertisement on campus about his visit. Damn, that really pisses me off.
"There's an enemy out there!!"
Chimp part II: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071102/ap_on_go_pr_wh/senate_mukasey
Be afraid! Be very afraid!
swarmofkillermonkeys @ 19:
I think it was "Go Cocks!"
Hmm... I don't agree with his Tennessee-destroying policy, but I do approve of his Georgia-destroying policy.
I'm surprised he got away with that 2006 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner unscathed.
Let the swiftboating of Stephen begin!
erick @ 16:
Don't blame Nader for running. Blame the anti's who voted for him. Like me.
"Go Cocks!"
Haha! Colbert's balls alone may be enough to entice some naive 29%ers to vote for him. I think he's got a shot.
If Colbert had real balls he'd have made that speech at Berkeley. There's Bears there.
I would vote for Stephen. I've still got my wrist cast on.
navyswan @ 17:
I have a better question: How can you fuck up something as fucked up as our electoral system? The only thing that could make it worse is if each candidate picked a tv network, sponsored it and hired people to write and produce their tv shows to compete for the ratings so people could see their commercials.
f the sticks in the mud trying to keep him off the ballot
The media's already chosen the “viable candidates” for us.
Damn foiled!
Will Colbert recover fromthis blow? Stay tuned!
redratio1 @ 34:
They'll probably call him a cut and runner.
fiver @ 29:
You mean those smelly hippies chaining themselves up in those trees? Those arn't bears. Bears are in Alaska.
erick @ 16:
How could the US elections be any more fucked up out of interest ? ....... stolen twice and the ideal of that exported around the world with bombs ? ........ Oh I'm all for the funny man taking the place by storm......
I am a huge Colbert fan...but that wasn't funny at all, except maybe the peaches bit. It also didn't help that the audience interrupted him with applause after every sentence.
Joe for Unity08 @ 36:
In your honor i just farted.
Might not bathe tommorow too...
Breaking News
Denied! !!!
http://www.reuters.com/article/peopleNews/idUSN0148677520071102
f**k!!!
jeffs @ 38:
It was a stump speech. It wasn't supposed to be funny.
Joe for Unity08 @ 40:
Not exactly breaking but we appreciate it.
Good for the SC Dem Party for not allowing their election to be used as part of a for-profit publicity stunt. Adults must be running that organization.
Amused @ 43:
Yeah, too bad they have marginalized the only Candidate worth voting for; Kucinich.
Colbert would actually make a great President. He's one of the few people left in this country who will speak truth to power. The correspondent's dinner address is the stuff of legend.
I think it was Nader that said something to effect that the problem is getting Americans as interested in politics as they are with sports.
Colbert could help. How about he has joint debates with the other candidates at his joint? Same question for all: "Would I be crazy to let you have that kind of power over me?"
He reminds me of Groucho Marx. Bravo!
I could of only laughed harder if my ribs didn't already hurt from coughing the flu out of me. I also didn't even know there was a SC Democratic Party. Kinda Like the ordained "front runners" they are most likely a Democratic Party in Name Only. Which is probably why I was always left with the feeling of being DP'd after voting Dem for 28 years. If Ron Paul drops out, I'll write Colbert's name in.
Peace.
Joe for Unity08 @ 36:
I meant the Cal Bears (it was a play on the Go Cocks! remark), and when is the last time there was a hippy at Berkeley?
This guy couldn't carry Pat Paulsen's rubber chicken.
The reason neither party would permit Colbert to be on the ballot is because they knew that a lot of people would have voted for him.
fiver @ 49:
Haven't you heard? If you think Bush is wrong thenyou are a dirty smelly hippie. If you think then you are a dirty smelly hippie.
Super Karate Monkey Death Car @ 50:
I am sorry, but even though i liked Pat Paulsen he was Casper Milquetoast. No charisma.
Amused @ 43:
HA! As if, out of 63 candidates, all the rest are not about PROFIT or PUBLICITY. Give me a break. You can't really think Hillary's campaign runs on puppy kisses and rainbows? The whole system has become a sham, just like the
news showgossip show circuit where everyone just HAPPENS to be promoting a book, and no serious discussion takes place. Just gossip about big ears, a loud laugh, and a haircut... and, of course, FUD.The farther Colbert makes it into the process, the more people will be able to step back and say -- wait a minute, what IS the difference between life and art here? I mean, Fred Thompson doesn't even want to be president, yet there he is. Like Edwards had the balls to say in the debate the other night: if you've made it to realistic electability for either team, you ARE corrupted by the system (including himself). No one else is allowed in. Simply too much money involved. Hoping for ANY meaningful change in government without first reforming the system is like joining a cargo cult; the fundamental connections between money and the big decisions in government are completely missed or utterly misunderstood. You can pray all you want to the sky god to bring justice, compassion, and competence back to the White House but it just ain't gonna happen; they ain't sending any more planes your way.
xoites defends Constitution @ 41:
Isn't it ALL about playing to the home crowd (wherever you are)? In that sense, it would appear he did just fine...
Colbert won't be able to run as an independent because he'd have to campaign on his show and ask for the signatures. Now that the writers' guild announced the strike, no more new Colbert Report or Daily Show till god knows when...the Republicans must be happy.
xoites defends Constitution @ 52:
If only I still had hair!
"I've upped my standards. Now, up yours." - Paulsen Campaign Slogan
hb @ 55:
Will this put Bill O'Rielly out of work?
Colbert could ad lib his show all the way through.
Super Karate Monkey Death Car @ 57:
Really? Dang, and here I'd been giving credit to Orlando Jones for that 7-up slogan, where the T-shirt read:
Front- "Make 7-"
Back- "Up Yours!"
Oh well. I guess everything old is new again... eventually.
hb @ 55:
Yeah, I thought the campaign trail was a brilliant way around the writer's strike. Well, until both Red and Blue teams wimped out anyway. Then he could have campaign "volunteers" fill in until the strike was over. Or just fill the show with campaign footage.
Honestly, how is the strike going to hurt multi-gazillionaire studio owning farts, and their bratty offspring? They are rich enough to wait them out. Won't it just hurt the everyday people in showbiz a lot more like Stewart, Colbert, and all of their staff when they go off the air? Everyone else has stockpiled scripts or invested in "reality" shows by now. Seems like the union might have waited too long. Actually, seems like ALL unions have let slip too much power, and now I really don't see how they can get it back. The 0.00001% has the reigns of power again now, and they aren't going to give them up again if they can help it.
It's a fucking travesty is what it is. Go to every school you know, grab every civics book off the shelves, take a big, fat, black permanent marker (the kind that's CIA redaction approved) and cross out the part where it says "anyone can become president of the united states".
fiver @ 6:
Same thing Clinton and Dole did in keeping Ross Perot out of the televised debate in '96 after Perot got 19% of the vote in '92. Billy Boy showed his true colors on that one.
Ruthless People @ 7:
I wonder if he even knows what a Code Pink protester is. He's undoubtedly never seen one. Hell, he's so sheltered from reality he's probably never seen snow in D.C.
Wait. . . in one party you need to have a fist full of money if you want to run for office and on the other side a room full of unelected people vote among themselves if you can run or not?
Wow. . . what a country. And they say anyone can grow up to be president. . . not.
Plisko @ 63:
Thats what I was thinking. He has really pointed out to us all how futile it really is. :( Sad stuff.
cristalyn @ 64:
Actually, it occurs to me that maybe that was the plan all along. He's a satirist after all and satire is always based on unpleasant truths (which is why the far-right are all satire-impaired).
well, part of the point of colbert's running was to get at least one delegate so he could in some way lord that fact over the Convention. which would have been great, if you ask me. running as an independent will make that pretty much impossible though, so it removes the real incentive for him to keep participating. how weak is it that the SC Dems won't let him on the ballot even though he's fulfilled the legal requirements? what fucking losers!
Yeah. Hey South Carolina Democrats! If you're going to lose you could have at least lost in style. Lame.
deniz @ 2:
Are you kidding? He just keeps getting better and better. I laughed so hard I almost cried during last night's episode. HI-larious!
Colbert should run anyway, as a 'Really, Really Independent', and after he wins, by proclamation, rename Columbia, South Carolina, 'Stephenville, South Colbear'
Ruthless People @ 7:
Well, maybe Bush should be spending more time responding to the warnings of terrorists like Osama bin Laden instead of wasting lives and money in Iraq and possibly Iran. Idiot.
RobertD @ 62:
It might be hard to believe, but some 24%ers actually think Colbert is a Conservative. They should be convinced to write his name in.
Now after seeing what the Boy King had to say about MoveOn it once again confirms to me that the Republican Party of Criminals is scared shitless of MoveOn. Time for me to donate to MoveOn again. We'll be working to remove some DINO's in the primaries.
Kind of bother me that he fulfill their requirement to run and still not get it. I think it is time we have a humorous president, and not one that think they are funny
"we can't find it here, we can't find it there, those WMD has to be somewhere" Quoted from GWB
His whole campaign is really just a brilliant, satirical civics lesson. Bravo.
Colbert - the only REALLY serious candidate!
I am surprised that Colbert ran for President before Billoreilly did. Doesn't Oreilly have a huge fan following as well?
Well, he's proven he had the balls, and now it looks like he's got the 'cocks in his pocket, too.
It's truly inevitable. He has a much bigger stage to spill his satire on. He'll have to run as an Independent Republican much as a certain righty out east did as an independent democrat.
with a wry smile Stephen Colbert invites all to his campaign only if they concede to a "background check and a full body cavity search".......too funny, this is directly from the bush/cheney "fealty oath playbook" in order to attend their sanitized/controlled thug rallies over the last 6 years
Just a thought: isn't it the choice of the people who is "viable" to run for president?
L.A. Confidential @ 33:
Right. Silly us. Everyone back to work now. Nothing to see here.
I think Colbert is pointing out how ridiculous it all is. And why can't Doritos finance him? It might be unethical?? UNETHICAL??? HA, that's a laugh. I'm sick of your election, and it's got another year to go-- another YEAR!!! Imagine that. Think of all the B.S. to come yet. Everyone will be so sick of it, the pharmaceuticals will make a killing making people "happy" again.
Plisko @ 63:
That's what happens when "Big Business" runs the country instead of the people running the country. A third party will never win as long as we're a nation "Of the corporation, by the corporation, and for the corporation".
========================
"People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people." - V
Caaaareful... You don't wannna piss Stephen Colbert off, he has a very powerful platform and he may just end up running our country. I'd vote for him twice before I'd vote for every presidential candidate out there except for Dennis Kucinich. If Dennis Kucinich doesn't win the Dem primaries I'm just going to write Stephen Colbert in. I don't care fi I waste my vote, it's worthless anyway with all the Diebold theivery going on. Our votes mean NOTHING!
I cannot believe they did not allow him to run?! He should run as a third party candidate and show everyone what a true farce our democracy is!
Our political system is broken. It actually never worked to begin with! A two party stranglehold on the entire election process is not a REAL democracy. Republicans and Democrats in the very end have always stood for the same things....corporate greed! (sad, but true).
I think Dennis Kucinich, who is the only one running with any sense of integrity, should run as an independent w/Stephen Colbert...now that would be an awesome ticket!
SadButTrue @ 18:
We're ALL living on borrowed fibers-- lead based fibers borrowed from China.
i like Stephen Colbert, but rarely watch his show anymore...it has become repetitive and stale.
for all the social satire and comment he can provide (which i enjoy and agree with), i think he will run it into the ground in the not too distant future.
he should have remained as a segment to the Daily Show.
He is out .... YAY. It was boring before it started.
jeffs @ 38:
That proves he's presidential material. His audience prepping him for a SOTU address.
Could you imagine Colbert debating the other dem or repub candidates?
I think he would tear them to shreds.
"Could you imagine Colbert debating the other dem or repub candidates?
I think he would tear them to shreds."
I agree
non-viable candidates like Kucinich, Dodd and Colbert can help the process by bringing up issues the poll leaders do not want to talk about. I would love to see him field one of those ridiculous or ambiguous or wedge questions that the moderators would try to put on the Stepford Dems.
With all the serious crap happening now and being on the verge of WWIII (attacking Iran), do we really NEED another self serving distraction . Are we as a nation so addicted to ENTERTAINMENT , that we take this self promoting STUNT seriously for one second . Just like his promotion with Oreilly , the fabricated debate .
This tells more about us then Colbert , that as a nation , we are addicted to entertainment and that we need distractions , laughs , diversions , because we can confront our problems head on , with a serious effort , at our own peril .
We are a nation of spoiled lazy SHEEP , that need news to be entertaining , and don't want to be bothered with FACTS or Details , at our own peril .
The Vampire in the white house that relishes death and suffering is more then the bumbling idiot simpletons portray him to be . He's a cold , calculating war mongering ,war profiteer and we need to be as serious , as determined as he his . Oh ya they HAVE plans , it's all laid out in the PNAC doctrine and it should scare the fuk out